Pass On Pampers!

Todd Kelsch

According to a recent article on WLWT.com, Procter & Gamble fell short of expectations for fourth quarter earnings. P&G will raise prices on some of its brands including Pampers. Well, that’s shitty. And thanks to my homegirl Bridget for sharing this info which prompted me to speak my piece. Diapers first came in disposable form in the 1950’s. Marion Donavon, a housewife, was granted the patent and is said to have inserted cloth into pieces of shower curtain for her design. Marion, you were a genius and parents owe you great gratitude. But I’m sure Marion is not pleased with where the evolution of the disposable diaper is in 2018. The shit catching arms race really took off in the 1990’s. But, as you’d expect with household products and clothing, marketing has been the deciding factor on which diaper brand is most used. Pampers and Huggies will show up in Google search results by just typing in “baby pee.” Pampers and Huggies are the most expensive and most popular brands. By my account, though, they are not the best in performance. While passing the touch test for softness and assumed comfort, you’ll be pissed to find how easily Pampers leak. A prolonged nap after a bottle or a few Capri Suns could be costly for your child’s gym shorts or onesie. Don’t be fooled by the cool designs and cushiony texture. Huggies are the go-to if your child loves Mickey Mouse. But unless your child excretes mouse-sized turds, don’t waste your hard earned WIC funds. In my experience, the elastic doesn’t hold for a heavy load or complete blowout. Luvs Ultra Leakguard diapers are for the wise parents wanting to get the most bang for their buck. Luvs can withstand a monsoon of moisture and hold Mr. Hanky and his whole fam damnily long enough for your white bed sheets to never be frightened. Just to add to the misconception of Pampers making great products. Pampers wipes are too wet and lack adequate absorption. It’s like wiping a baby’s butt with a Hooters wet nap. Only it’s not wing sauce under your finger nails, it’s shit sauce. The Parent’s Choice wipes are a much better option. Fellow parents, take my advice and don’t buy into societal norms or misleading marketing schemes. Go with what is best for your children.